Don’t Worry, Folks. We’ve Outsourced Homeland Security to the Dutch.

Posted by Jimmie
The Sundries Shack
December 27, 2009

By now I’m sure you’ve heard that an Islamist, acting on orders from al-Qaeda in Yemen, tried to blow an airplane over Detroit. He was unsuccessful because 1) al-Qaeda shops for its bomb-detonation instructions out of Wile. E. Coyote’s ACME catalog, and 2) a Dutch filmmaker pounced on him and gave him a good pummeling. I guess he didn’t get the memo that Barack Obama is President now, so the whole “Death to America” thing is passé.

Note, by the way, that our government’s vaunted Transportation Security Administration figured in the incident not at all, except at the very end where they took custody of the highly-educated and well-off Nigerian Brit (so much for terrorists being stupid and poor, huh?). The suspect, whose name is Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab, wasn’t on a no-fly list and had a valid Visa to enter the United States even though his own father had contacted our government and told officials his son was, in fact, an Islamist jihadist with ties to al-Qaeda. This was not enough for our Department of Homeland Security to stop the SpeedoBomber from trying to kill a few hundred people before he got on the plane.

Don’t expect that there’ll be any changes at DHS. Secretary Janet Napolitano is pleased as punch with her department’s work. According to her, the fact that the plane didn’t actually explode proved “the system worked”. I admit I’m a bit rusty on correct airline security procedures, but I have a tough time believing that “let the passengers jump the bomber before the bomb goes kaboom” is part of TSA protocol. I could be wrong. It’s possible that President Obama has outsourced our security to the Dutch film community. At this point, anyone has to be better than the clownish Janet Napolitano who hasn’t shown an ounce of competence since she assumed control of DHS.

Darlene thinks there’s a resignation coming in the near future. I don’t see it happening. President Obama has bigger fish to fry than homeland security right now. He’s still trying to ram his totalitarian health care program down our throats and his cap and trade plan just waiting in the wings. Besides, he’s on vacation and God forbid he should come in from the beautiful Hawaiian beaches to give us some sign that he’s on top of things. Already, his minions have taken to the airwaves to assure us is really no big deal at all. So, that’s covered.

So we can just ignore the SpeedoBomber. It was just an isolated incident. Nothing to worry about at all, really. Our crack security apparatus, Netherlands Detachment, had things well in hand. We can also definitely ignore the incident that happened on the very same flight from Amsterdam to Detrioit that also involved a Nigerian today (oh, you didn’t know about that one? Fancy that.)

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